Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
