watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
