im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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