I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize