I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
