I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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