Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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