I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
