I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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