Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
