he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
