Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am spending my child support on dildos
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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