You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
