Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
