Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
