So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
