I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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