Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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