this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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