Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
