she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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