i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
