I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
