I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
