I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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