whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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