i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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