She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
