Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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