spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
