Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
