I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
