My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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