Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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