Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
