VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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