Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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