Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
