Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
