the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
