did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
