I cannot find my penis.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize