Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
