Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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