Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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