dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
