she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
