You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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