You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
