The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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