I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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