I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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