GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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