I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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