He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
