She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
