So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
