i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I would ride that face into the sunset
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
