i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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