There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
