Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
