Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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