Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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