she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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