He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
