sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
