Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
