I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
