she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
