Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
