if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
