So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
