He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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