The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
