You made me cry and you don't even care
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
