just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
